Sometimes You Get What You Want

Sometimes I get what I want. Oftentimes, it wasn't what I really wanted. Ever since I got my truck in September 2010, I've been getting what I wanted... when it comes to dating. Is there a connection? I'm sure there is. If you can explain it to me, feel free!

I've had an above average amount of serious breakups. In 2010, I was recovering emotionally from my latest heartbreak, and decided I wanted to date to date. I didn't want to date to get married, or date to get into a serious relationship, I wanted to date to date. So I dated Steven off and on for 7 months. We were not exclusive, but we spent a lot of time together. He was a good friend, and we had a lot of fun. We had different priorities than each other, but the fact that he could spend days and days just studying worked for him. I had a lot of balance with work and climbing and spending time with friends. We weren't exclusive that I ever knew of. Some days he would barge into our apartment playing guitar and the harmonica, but other days we would just catch up for 20-30 minutes. He left for a study abroad over Spring term, so we just died out. He ended up getting married 6 months later, but we are still on friendly terms. He's a great guy, and was really good for me.

I wanted more. I wanted the spark, the chemistry, and the desire to stay up all night talking to each other. I found it. We were off and on for three months, and we had the chemistry. We did not have the same standards in the ways I wanted. We are not on very good terms.

I wanted to be treated like a daughter of God. I wanted a guy who was a good friend, and respected me. I ran a 5K obstacle course with friends, and returned to find my car wouldn't start. I couldn't get a hold of any friends right away, so this guy who lived in front of that parking spot showed up and saved me. We exchanged names, he jumped my car, and I drove off. Later that same day, we ran into each other at my apartment's pool. We started going on weekly climbing dates up rock canyon and talking every day. We dated for three months. We went slow, and he was everything I wanted. He's the only guy I've ever brought on a trip with friends, and I don't regret bringing him. He was very respectful, and kind to me. He was there for me during my first month at school, and when my Grandpa passed away. By the end, neither of us were falling in love with each other, and he wasn't being proactive about dating anymore. We broke up but stayed on good terms.

I started wanting a guy who would fight for me. I didn't care if he had the same hobbies as me, I wanted a good guy who would pursue me. The next guy met me, we hit it off, and he started showing up at my apartment every day. He was a good guy, and fun to be around. He commenced to surprise me at work, show up with dinner, drop off flowers, and take me on many dates. It was way fun. He had a problem where he would break up with girls because, "the Spirit told him to" after two weeks. When we hit three weeks, I thought we were safe. He then broke up with me, told me later the Spirit was telling him to get back with me, and then wanted to break up. He kept flip flopping, till I told him I didn't care what the Spirit was telling him, and that I was going to use my agency and choose to not be with him.

I decided having someone crazy about you wasn't enough. I needed a guy I was compatible with. I found him. I had an unintentional Christmas break fling with a really cool guy. We had many mutual friends, and had a lot of fun together. We went too fast though, before we could continue getting to know each other, and he lived in a different town and worked a different schedule. I have nothing bad to say about him, and I think we'll stay good friends. Compatible, non-dating friends.

My story is winding down. I think maybe it's because I didn't fall in love with any of these boys that I had such short buffer periods in between them. Or maybe it's my Ford.

I wanted a guy heading in the "boyfriend" direction. I wanted something that went slow, but was headed toward commmitment. I didn't really care if we become committed, I just wanted to be progressing in that direction. I wanted to date a guy I could brag about, and who didn't have commitment issues. After Christmas break, I became closer and closer with one of my guyfriends from the ward. When he told me he wanted to talk, I thought maybe I was hitting on him too much and he wanted to stick as friends. Turned out we felt the same way about each other, and wanted to keep getting to know on each other. We went on dates and spent time together regularly for two months. It reached the point where I started telling my friends about him. I really liked him, and liked the direction it was going. We communicated through all of our differences, to the point that he asked me to be his girlfriend. By now, I hadn't had a boyfriend in 2.5 years. It's a big deal to me to commit to date exclusively. I had a feeling inside, that made it so I couldn't say yes that night. I think it could have been the Spirit, or fear, but either way I couldn't say yes then. I told him I needed a couple more days.

One week later I went out of town. I left town and we were dating, when I came back he had a girlfriend. Two months changed in two days. Either he must have really, really, REALLY wanted a girlfriend, or I was just played.